Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
