i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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