I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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