Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
