I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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