Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
