her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
