The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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