Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
