your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
