My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
