The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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