I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
