At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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