Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
