I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
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Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
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Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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