he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
