Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
