There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
