margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
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you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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