a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
