There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
