i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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