Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
