This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
