who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
