you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Green mimosas i think yes
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
