You can't motorboat a personality
It's like God shit irony all over that family
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
They took my balls.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
