I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
