We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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