I don't usually arrange sex via text message
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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