can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
