I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
