My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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