i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
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I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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