are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
