my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
