East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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