I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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