she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
