So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
