I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
