so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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