I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize