if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
