whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
