My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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