you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
