the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
