Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
