end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
