i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My vagina is officially offended.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
