Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize