where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
