Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
