Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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