Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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