She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Help. Why am I so naked?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
