What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
