Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
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You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
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Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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