I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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