what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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