Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize