New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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