I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
3 2 1 whiskey
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
