A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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