It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize