i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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