pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
