Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
