I cockslap morals
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
