she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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