apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
