chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize