Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
