I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
